I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
