I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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