The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
