Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
