Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
