I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
