how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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