you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
