Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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