i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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