Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
