You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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