Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
