Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
