I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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