After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
