And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
