he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
