she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
