She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
