i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
