he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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