a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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