he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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