hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
