he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
