cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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