I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
