omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
