dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
