gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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