Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
