Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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