I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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