bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
