Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
