i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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