nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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