I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
