you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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