I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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