It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
