I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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