How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dear god my vagina.
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