I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
