the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
