I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
