Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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