I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
