Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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