Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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