omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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