no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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