How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
