Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
